Laying self at the Alter

Laying self at the alter to burn...🔥

I hope to inspire you from a page in my book called "purify me Lord" that I am about to share.

Do you think walking with Lord is always easy? Do you think functioning effectively in the office God has called you will be easy? Do you believe that building a character that represents Christ is easy? I am here to tell you it is not! And it takes a lot including dying to self at the alter completely for God to be glorified.

As you know I am the host of the podcast "it's the love of God for me". One of the things I promised (myself) is I would never ask anyone to donate to this ministry. I hated the idea because of the current stigma that surrounds this and that many are using the gospel to take disadvantaged of people. I did not want to be associated with anything that looks like that.

Personally speaking, I am in nature the type of person where I don't like to ask for help if I am I am in need because I don't like rejection. I have had have enough rejections in my past and I try my best to avoid anything that would make me feel that way. I was going to stick to that and not even God could change my mind on it! At least so I thought.

Lately, I have been talking with the Lord. I said "God I need equipments to produce a better quality show for your people. I know you are taking this somewhere and I want to ensure that whatever role I am required to play is done with the best that I can." I realized that we are now over 1000 listeners and now is the time to improve on certain things like the quality audio that the show produces.

"But God, this will take money and money I can't really budget for right now based on the plans I have to sort out right now. I need at least 80,000jmd to get some of the equipment to start. How I'm I going to get this money? And you know me, I am not begging anyone!"

Days later the thought of setting up a GoFundMe me was pressed on my heart. I thought "I know the Lord ain't talking to me about begging others!" I am just not doing that but for some strange reason I couldn't shake the thought off. Days later and the urge to do this become stronger and stronger but Why? Because I hated the idea so much there is no reason I should be still thinking about this, it's not like it's something I am okay with doing so then, why can't I stop thinking about it!

The Wrestle

The wrestle began and I knew that the spirit of the Lord was pulling into a direction I thought I would never have to go. Have you ever seen a scenario where someone is pulling an animal into a direction where it doesn't want to go? This should not imply that God force us to do anything but that the flesh and the spirit are contrary to one another. "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would." -Galatians 5:17 I knew I couldn't win with God so and finally, I gave in and allow the Holy Spirit to have his way and I created the page and posted it.

I thought this was over and that I could just hide somewhere and forget about it but the longer the GoFundMe link remains on the internet the more I feel uncomfortable and all kinds of thoughts rush through my mind. "What will people think of this? Yes, I knew she was in this for the money!" This is only a few thoughts that kept haunting me daily and to make matters worst the Lord would at times remind me to repost the link. It's like salt to a wound, if I could have it my way that link wouldn't be created in the first place but because I desire to be used by the Lord I choose to yield even in discomfort.

Since I posted the link up to few hours before I gave birth to this piece of blog post, I have wrestled with the thought of what others think of me of asking for donations and the thought was so unsettling to me I thought many times to delete the post. If you listen to season 4 episode 7 you will find more details as to why I hated the idea so bad. A few days later while doing the dishes the Lord led me to call a sister. I thought it would be one of our regular conversations but little did I know God had something to confirm to me about the matter I've been wrestling with for days.

I was then led to share with her how I was feeling and how I didn't know what to do. After she prayed for directions from the LORD the spirit of God began to minister through her to me. In a nutshell the spirit of God revealed to me that I am puffed up in self and it's in his way. The link for the donation that he had me created was not necessarily for the money and that I should not be surprise if I get little or no money because that was not the reason why he led me to do this. He wanted to reveal to "me" how puff up I was in self. He wanted to know if I say this show is about him then why I care so much about what people thinks about me?

It's so funny how we think we are selfless and humble and it takes one simple situation to reveal to us how proud we are. If God had sent someone to tell me to die to myself I probably would have been confused as to how one could see me as a puffed-up person so God had to show me through this little act. I am rebuked but I get the lesson.

The Lesson

The goal of the GoFundMe me was not necessarily for the money if God laid it on your heart to give please do so but it wasn't the goal God was looking to achieve. He used it as a mirror to reveal the core of my current state of character and what he could see that many probably couldn't including myself see. He wanted to show me that with this task he has given me self must be completely slain in order for me not to work in vain. Its not about me or what people thinks but it is all him...

Children of God we cannot bring glory to God's name if we are not humble. In the book of Luke chapter 14:11, it says "

For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted." God cannot promote us without humility. Sad to say but self or pride is the reason why many of us are in the state we are in today. Our ministry is not growing, always in great lack, always sick and no healing etc yet We are proud, boastful and arrogant and we cant even see it for what it is. We said "well, God understand that, that's just who I am" But God is saying "but the proud he knoweth afar off." -psalms 138:6

This revelation blew me away! I wish someone would just catch this in their spirit it is never about you! It is all for his glory and his glory alone and this will take the sacrificial offering of self. It will take others mocking you, it will take people not believing that you were sent, it will take criticism, it will take persecution and so much more, and guess what through it all God requires you to keep quiet and humble yourself and not just that but go where ever he sent you and do whatever he tells you despite the persecution.

If your desire is to truly to be used by God and for God to fill your life to the point where all they see is him then, be ready to look like or feel like a fool in this world as it is written "If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their craftiness." - 1 Corinthians 18-19

This call is not for everyone because not everyone is willing to sacrifice how they look or appeared to others to bring glory to God's name but I hope this blog is for you and I hope in this blog post today you will find something that can edify your spirit and remind you of the importance of humility.

God is calling you, yes you to lay self at the alter today..

Share with others and be a blessing.