A Letter to My Younger Self

This letter is long overdue.

There is so much I need to say to you.

First, I want you to know this: you are the strongest human being I have ever known. Your resilience, your will to survive, to keep going, to rise again and again is nothing short of powerful. I am so sorry that life placed you in situations that forced you to become strong so early. You should never have had to learn survival the way you did.

I am sorry for every relationship I allowed you into, friendships included that slowly took pieces of your value and gave you rejection, betrayal, deception, abuse, and neglect in return. I am sorry that I allowed you to believe that enduring pain was the same as being loyal. I am sorry that I let you pour so much of yourself into building others while neglecting your own growth.

I know that now, at this stage of life, you sometimes feel like time is against you like your dreams have been delayed too long. I am sorry for every moment I failed to believe in you. You were always smart enough. You were always enough. You were always capable of accomplishing whatever God placed in your heart, especially when your trust and faith were anchored in Him.

I am sorry that I taught you silence when you should have been taught to speak. From an early age, you learned to swallow pain instead of naming it. You learned not to speak up when something was wrong. And because of that, communication later became difficult words came out sharp when you finally tried to express hurt that had been buried too long. But listen to me now, my love: that can change. And it has changed.

I am also sorry that I allowed you to believe the negative words spoken over you. I’m sorry that I made people your strength and leaned on them to fill places only God could ever fill. No one taught you better but it was still my responsibility to protect you, to cheer you on, to believe in you when no one else did. And like so many others, I failed you.

I am sorry it took me so long to truly see the pain you carried quietly for years.

There is still so much I could say, but for now, let me end here:

I am so proud of you.

I am proud of the woman you are becoming.

I am deeply grateful that you finally surrendered your flaws, wounds, and brokenness to the only wise God who knows how to exchange beauty for ashes. What He is doing in your life is nothing short of amazing. I love watching you discover that you are beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious beyond measure and that no one can ever take that truth from you.

I thank God that you have healed from things you never spoke about. I want you to know that you are deeply loved and infinitely valued by El Roi..the God who sees you. He saw you then, and He sees you now.

I love you more than words can say.

And I cannot wait to witness the fullness of your future as it unfolds. Because now that you are “hidden in Christ and He is seated in heavenly places.” It can only get better! Some day we will look back and say truly! Nothing is wasted in the Father hands. ❤️

With love,

Your present self